Chapter Thirty-One: Purgatory

 

I awaken with a sharp intake of breath, confused and disoriented. I blink my eyes open and I’m confronted with a familiar sitch. I’m chained to a wall in the cave from my dream and a look down confirms that I’m naked again. I’m surprised to realize that my face has shifted back to human form.

 

I can still feel my heart beatin’ in my chest and I take a small bit of comfort in it. Then the sound of clappin’ makes me look up. My eyes fall on a familiar vampire and I groan.

 

“I’m fuckin’ thrilled to see you too,” She says sardonically.

 

I give her a look. “What the fuck do ya want now? I’m kinda in the middle of somethin’. I ain’t got time for dreams.”

 

She chuckles and closes the distance between us. She presses up against me, her hands grippin’ my hips and one leg wedgin’ between mine. I try to jerk away and she tightens her hold on me, pressin’ her lips to my ear.

 

“This ain’t a dream, baby. I’m very much here.”

 

She nips at my earlobe and I jerk away from her. My fingers are itchin’ for a stake and my body’s screamin’ for me to end her. Oh yeah, this is very much real. My instincts were the one thing missin’ from that dream.

 

“Get your Goddamn hands off me,” I snarl.

 

She chuckles and lifts one of her hands to grab my chin. Her thumb caresses my jaw and she leans closer. Her eyes lock with mine.

 

“Ya managed to control me, but can ya control her?”

 

Huh? Come again?

 

“Stop talkin’ in fuckin’ riddles,” I growl.

 

She smirks, ignorin’ what I just said. “Let’s find out.”

 

She tightens her hold on my chin and pulls me forward, capturin’ my lips. I open my mouth to object and her tongue invades, bringin’ the taste of blood with it. I tense and try to pull away, but I’m trapped between her and the wall.

 

Her free hand starts to roam and my mind screams out in horror. I clamp my teeth down, catchin’ her bottom lip as she pulls back. I feel a sharp pain in my own and blood fills my mouth. I spit it out, grimacin’ as she leers and my belly tightens with lust.

 

She smirks and licks the blood from my lip and then hers. “Ya ain’t gettin’ what’s goin’ on yet, are ya?”

 

“No,” I growl. “Why don’t ya just fuckin’ tell me and save us the pain?”

 

She laughs and leans forward to lick the side of my face. “Oh, but I like the pain.”

 

I wipe my face on my shoulder, glarin’ at her. She grabs a handful of my hair and forces my head to the side. Her thigh rams up against my pussy, forcin’ me up onto my toes. I grunt in reaction and she laughs.

 

“Y’know,” She rasps. “That pain when ya first showed up? It was my reaction to that nasty little thing beatin’ in ya chest.”

 

“Maybe ya wanna shed some light on why it’s beatin’ in the first place?”

 

She shrugs and drawls indifferently, “My guess? It’s just some fucked up side-effect of bein’ here.”

 

She releases my hip, bringin’ her hand up to caress my neck. Her fingers hesitate over my pulse point and I grind my teeth. Her hand continues down over my chest, brushin’ my nipples. I feel my body react and I squeeze my eyes shut, disgusted with myself.

 

“That creepy thing ya felt? Like somethin’ was all up inside ya?” She continues. “Well, that was the Slayer fightin’ against me.”

 

She grasps my right nipple and pinches it hard, makin’ me cry out. Pain and pleasure shoot though me, and I try to remind myself that it’s her lust I’m feelin’, and not mine. It doesn’t do anything to stop me from hatin’ myself for it though.

 

She lowers her head, envelopin’ my nipple in her cool mouth and I gasp. I hear the rattle of metal and my eyes snap open just as the manacles fall from my wrists and ankles. My hand flies to her head and I grab a fistful of her hair, jerkin’ her head away from me. I give her a nasty smirk and turn, slammin’ her face first into the wall.

 

I feel the pain as the bridge of my own nose breaks and blood rushes down my face. I ignore it, instead focusin’ on her. I pull her back and bring her around, punchin’ her in the jaw and feelin’ it in my own. I let go of her hair and jump up, spinnin’ into a kick. My foot hits her jaw and just as I land, she reaches up, catchin’ it.

 

We glare at each other and then she smirks, twistin’ my leg and forcin’ me to have to roll with it or else get it broken. I land on my back and she lunges for me, straddlin’ my hips. She punches me in the jaw and then I buck my hips, throwin’ her over my head. We both get back to our feet at the same time.

 

The next few minutes are a flurry of movement as we exchange blows, leavin’ wounds on each other and ourselves. She gets me trapped against the corner of the cave and grabs a handful of hair, slammin’ my head back against the wall. I grab for her hand and she catches my wrist with her other hand. She twists ‘til the bone snaps and I cry out, my voice crackin’ as she slams my head back against the cave wall again.

 

Suddenly she lets go of my head and grabs my shirt, turnin’ and throwin’ me down on the ground. She straddles my hips again and halls back to punch me in the face. Blows rain down on me, leavin’ me dazed and bleedin’. Then they stop and I blink, peerin’ up through swollen eyes.

 

A pair of yellow ones is lookin’ back at me and I feel my stomach drop as her hunger fills me. She sneers and lunges for my throat, a restrainin’ arm pressed across my chest. Her fangs tear through my skin and I cry out, grabbin’ for her head. Intendin’ to pull her off me, I wrap my fingers in her hair and then I freeze.

 

The image of the vamp and the Slayer from my dream hits me and I suddenly realize just what the vamp meant about control earlier. The vamp wanted to feed in that other cave, but I controlled myself. Right now, the Slayer wants to kill the vamp. I close my eyes and swallow hard, forcin’ myself to release her hair.

 

This is all part of the trial to get my soul back. If I don’t control myself and stop fightin’ the vamp, I’ll fail. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands and grind my teeth in frustrated disbelief. This sitch is beyond fucked up.

 

The taste of blood floods my mouth and I feel my clit throb from the lust she’s feelin’. She growls against my skin and molds her body to mine, straddlin’ my thigh. She grinds against me, sendin’ sparks of heat through my pussy as my wetness coats my thighs.

 

I don’t even notice when she removes her arm from my chest. It’s when she forces my thighs apart that I become aware of her actions. She slips her fingers through my slit and I start to object, only to cry out instead when she slams three fingers up inside me. Then all I can do is clutch at the sand and gasp silently as she fucks me roughly.

 

The contradictin’ feelings have my head spinnin’. There’s the intense hunger, the need, and the darkness comin’ from her. Then there’s my own; pain, shame, need, embarrassment — and I’m angrier than I’ve ever been ‘cause I know I can’t stop her.

 

The sound of her feedin’ makes me feel sick at my stomach and I choke back a bitter sob. She’s everything I hate about myself. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and try to hold back the tears buildin’ in my eyes.

 

She slams her hand into me harder, makin’ me ache inside. Then her palm finds my clit. Somethin’ snaps inside and I reach up, grabbin’ her hair and holdin’ her closer to me. Snarlin’, I grab her leather-clad hip with my injured hand, ignorin’ the pain in my wrist as I guide her against the tensed surface of my bare thigh.

 

I don’t know exactly what made me do it, but I understand why. No way in fuckin’ Hell am I just gonna lay back and be a fuckin’ victim. That ain’t my thing.

 

She rakes the nails of her free hand down my thigh, leavin’ a trail of blood and then we both get lost in our darkness. Pain and pleasure mix together as we fuck, makin’ us cry out time and again. The pressure in my belly increases ‘til it feels like I’m comin’ apart at the seams. Then my world is flipped on end.

 

My mouth falls open in a silent scream, pain flarin’ white hot as I’m engulfed in flames. The weight of her body disappears along with the suction of her mouth at my neck. I go numb for a brief moment, and then I’m flooded with familiar yet strange pain and grief. I get lost in it, completely unaware of where and who I am for an endless time.

 

When I regain my senses, I’m huddled in a corner of Lenore’s office. It takes a moment for everything to come rushin’ back and then I’m drownin’ in agony. Shakin’ from the intensity, I wrap my arms around my knees and hold on.

 

Images flash through my head and I bring my hands to my face as sobs force their way past the lump in my sore throat. A familiar metallic smell fills my nose and my eyes snap open, horrified at the sight of blood coverin’ my hands. I look down at the rest of me to find my body naked, riddled with wounds and stained with blood. I know where it came from but the sight of the blood on my skin still causes me to panic.

 

I leap up and run past a startled Lenore to the bathroom. When I get there, I turn on the shower as hot as I can get it and climb in. The heat doesn’t even make me flinch as I scrub at my skin. The coldness seepin’ into my insides makes me cry even harder.

 

 

Chapter Thirty-Two: Bleeding from the Soul

 

I didn’t get outta the shower ‘til long after the water ran cold and my skin felt like I’d scrubbed off a few layers. Then I got dressed and took off runnin’. I didn’t stop ‘til just as the sun was risin’ and I had no other choice but to find somewhere to hide. I know Lenore’s probably worried out of her mind but just the thought of bein’ ‘round anyone right now is more than I can handle.

 

I’m sittin’ in a corner of an empty warehouse with nothin’ but the rats and roaches for company. Fittin’, I snort. It’s almost a mirror image of the place I ended up in when I started goin’ crazy with hunger after I was turned.

 

I curl further into the wall and wrap my arms tight around my middle, my fingers diggin’ into my sides. My entire body aches, inside and out, not all of it physical. My chest is tight from my emotions and the tears are still flowin’ down my face.

 

I don’t gotta ask if it worked. It’s like I can feel my soul burnin’ inside me. The guilt and the regret of what I’ve done is eatin’ me up inside. It’s got me feelin’ trapped, makin’ my body shake.

 

I shift again and stifle a groan as the pain between my thighs intensifies. The vamp definitely did some damage and my body’s gonna keep remindin’ me for a couple of days. That’s somethin’ else that’s got me rattled, even though I get why the bitch did it. She was doin’ her damndest to try to make me lose control and dust her ass.

 

That entire sitch was a mind-fuck and a half. I don’t think I’ll be able to get over what happened there for a while. Not just the rape, but the all too brief feelin’ of bein’ alive. It hurt so fuckin’ much to feel the coldness surroundin’ me again.

 

It was like dyin’ all over again. The physical pain of my body dyin’ again wasn’t anything compared to the emotional. Lenore wasn’t kiddin’ when she said the Soul Harvester was a sadistic motherfucker.

 

I open my eyes and look out across the warehouse to where I can see a tiny bit of afternoon sunlight reachin’ across the cement floor. I can feel a strange calmness in place of the edginess I’ve felt for four years but it ain’t doin’ much to console me. No, it just makes it worse ‘cause now I can’t help wonderin’ if the price was too much to pay.

 

The memory of B’s face as she drifted off to sleep in my arms flitters through my head and I laugh harshly. For all I know, this could’ve been pointless. I don’t even know if she’ll still want me when she finds out that I killed that cop. Much less if she finds out just how fuckin’ weak I am.

 

I punch the wall, ignorin’ the fresh pain as the skin splits, and shake my head roughly, tryin’ to get rid of that thought. I need to stop that shit right fuckin’ now. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t fight the fuckin’ vamp off.

 

I swallow hard and close my eyes. It wasn’t, damn it. But it seems like no matter how much I tell myself that, there’s still a lingerin’ feelin’ of shame that makes me sick.

 

I’ve always been a master at manipulatin’ people usin’ sex. I guess the vamp part of me ain’t any different. She was just targetin’ my weaknesses to try to make me lose control over the Slayer. Thing is, she didn’t count on me usin’ sex to distract my inner Slayer.

 

Yet another method that’s tried and true. I smile, but it’s weak. It fades quickly as my thoughts drift back to B.

 

The ache in my chest grows, drivin’ me to get back to her. But I ain’t ready yet. I don’t feel strong enough to face her right now. I just need a little more time.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m gonna go back to her. I gotta get myself together first, though. I don’t want her to see me when I feel so fuckin’ weak.

 

Thing is, the more I think about her, the more I feel the weakness startin’ to fade. In place of it’s a growin’ desire to have her back in my arms. The thought of it’s enough to make me forget the pain of the wounds scattered over my body.

 

I open my eyes again to glare across the warehouse, mentally urgin’ daylight to fade. I gotta stop by Lenore’s first to let her know that I’m aight, but I’m goin’ home tonight. And I don’t mean Georgia.

 

The thought that she’ll tell me to go to Hell makes me falter, but I shrug it off. If she does, I’ll just tell her “been there, done that”. But I ain’t gonna let it stop me.

 

I’ll beg if I gotta, but I’m gonna get the girl. I’ll do whatever she asks, ‘cept leave her alone. I’ve been through Hell, literally, and it’s my turn to get some motherfuckin’ happiness.

 

***

 

“So are you quite certain you’re all right, Faith?”

 

I give Lenore a weak half-grin. “I’m three by five, Lenore. It’s just gonna take a while to get back to five by five.”

 

She nods. “Well, do be sure to visit again. Preferably without such dire circumstances next time.”

 

“Yeah,” I mutter, “Could definitely do without the fucked up sitch.”

 

“Yes, well. That isn’t quite the way I would describe it, but it is apt,” She says dryly. “I’m certain you would be happier without the four day stay in Hell, as well.”

 

I look down at the shoes she loaned me since my boots are somewhere in Hell. I still don’t get how four days passed. It seems like it couldn’t have been more than a few hours, despite how long it felt at the time. I know Angel said time passes differently there, but fuck, that’s weird.

 

I shrug uncomfortably. “Well, uh, I should probably get goin’ if I wanna catch my flight in time. That cab ain’t gonna wait for me forever.”

 

“You will be sure to write, yes? I really would like to hear about everything that happened while you were in purgatory. You were a sight to behold when you returned.”

 

I bet I was. If the sight of all that blood freaked me the fuck out, it probably just about gave her a fuckin’ heart attack. Fuck, it would’ve given me one had my heart still been beatin’.

 

“Yeah, I’ll send ya an e-mail when I get some things settled.”

 

She gives me a slight smile. “I do wish you luck, Faith.”

 

I roll my eyes. The news that I’m goin’ back to Cali made her start actin’ kinda weird. I’ll have to ask her about that sometime.

 

“Thanks,” I drawl as I turn to go.

 

“Wait, Faith.”

 

I pause at the front door and turn to look at her, shiftin’ the strap of my bag on my shoulder. “What’s up?”

 

“Just out of curiosity, how is it that you are still able to get on an airplane without raising suspicion?”

 

I shrug. “I wasn’t ever reported dead, Len.”

 

I didn’t stay down long enough for anyone to find me. Apparently it only takes a couple hours for a Slayer to turn, while it takes normal people a day or two. Freaky shit that I know Giles is gonna wanna hear all about sometime. He’ll be harassin’ me about what happened with Dane, Joaquin, and with the Soul Harvester the first chance he gets anyway.

 

“Ah,” She says. “Well, do be careful.”

 

I wave at her and turn to go out the door, chucklin’. I call back, “Same too you, Len. I’ll catch ya later.”

 

I close the door behind me and head down the driveway towards the cab. I snort when I realize it’s the same driver from before. When the fuck does that ever happen? I get in, tossin’ my bag on the seat beside me and slammin’ the door shut.

 

“The airport,” I tell him ‘fore he can ask where to.

 

The car sets off for the airport as a feelin’ of anxiety fills my gut. Soon enough I won’t be able to change my mind about goin’. Not that I really wanna, but I’m still worried about her reaction. As determined as I am to not give up, it doesn’t mean it ain’t gonna hurt if she does reject me.

 

***

 

I get there and oddly enough, there’s a heavy rain pourin’ down. It doesn’t happen often here, but when it does it’s usually pretty hard. I stop under the overhang just outside the airport entrance and look around for a cab.

 

I only thought I was exhausted when I first arrived at Lenore’s. I’m just runnin’ on pure stubbornness at this point. The thing is? I ain’t feelin’ it at all right now with everything else that’s happened.

 

The nervous energy runnin’ through me at seein’ B again is makin’ me shake. It’s fuckin’ ridiculous that I’m so shook up, but I am. Then again, the next few hours could be some of the most important ones of my life. Maybe it ain’t so ridiculous after all.

 

I swallow hard and blow out a harsh breath. Fuck, I need to burn some of this energy off. I clench my jaw and, abandonin’ my search for a cab, I take off runnin’ in the direction of HQ. It ain’t like I can get sick.

 

My nerves are still raw from my ordeal, and I feel like I’m gonna break if I have to deal with much more, but I can only focus on one thing right now. I’ve waited so long to be able to tell B that I love her, and I ain’t gonna let it go any fuckin’ longer. I can’t. I’ll deal with the rest later.

 

 

Chapter Thirty-Three: Coming Home

 

(Buffy’s POV)

 

It has been a very long four days. I don’t know how many times I started to make Will call Lenore and ask about Faith. Not even tracking down the rest of Joaquin’s army took my mind off of her. It actually made it worse, ‘cause I missed having her at my side when I took the girls to clear them out.

 

I at least found out how they discovered Faith’s identity. I tortured it out of a vampire before I dusted him. It seems Joaquin was interested in learning more about the Slayer line and one of his researchers recognized Faith when she visited the fourth floor.

 

We’ve been settling things and sending Slayers back to their posts since that threat’s now gone. We usually only have about thirty Slayers around, most of them in training, on a daily basis, but we’d called more in as a precaution when we realized there was someone targeting us. Most Slayers stay at our headquarters when they’re here ‘cause it’s cheaper that way, so it’s certainly a lot less crowded now.

 

Even better, with the threat gone, us Scoobies can return to our own homes. Thank God. Most of the time when there’s something big going on, we all end up staying here in our old rooms ‘cause it’s just easier that way. Things are starting to get back to normal, at least. Well, almost.

 

Will hasn’t stopped teasing me since I told her about everything. She’s kind of freaked out ‘cause I told her a little too much, but she’s dealing. I guess I can understand why she’s disturbed that I let Faith feed from me. It messes with my head a little too, but only ‘cause I enjoy it.

 

I don’t understand why it’s so different with Faith than it was with Angel or even Spike. With Angel, it hurt when he bit me. It might have been ‘cause he was out of control during it and it wasn’t exactly gentle. But with Spike, I never would’ve let him feed from me. Just the thought of it disgusted me and it pissed me off the one time he tried.

 

I know I was pissed that first time Faith bit me, but I don’t know how much of that was from the circumstances or what followed. Some of it might have even been ‘cause there wasn’t any hiding the way I felt for her any longer. I felt a little betrayed at the time ‘cause I felt like she was forcing me to do it, too.

 

Which she was, but it wasn’t her fault. It would’ve been her or someone else. And I’d have been even more pissed if she’d have let some other vampire do that to me. I just blame the humping on us both, ‘cause our hormones got severely out of control.

 

I’ve had a lot of time to think about things the last few days. I’ve resolved most of it, but there are a few things that are haunting me. The fact that she killed someone still bothers me more than I can describe. But I can’t even imagine how much it must be weighing on her.

 

It helps me understand why she absolutely had to get her soul back, though. God, the pain it’s going to cause her... I wish there was something I could do to help her. I want to know why she felt she couldn’t tell me face-to-face. I would’ve understood, and I’d have even tried to help her if she had.

 

It just goes to show that there are still a lot of trust issues between us. It’s not going to be easy to start a relationship with her. The words, “impossibly hard”, come to mind, actually. But in the words of Faith, “If it ain’t a bitch, it ain’t worth doing.”

 

I chuckle softly and shake my head, letting my eyes fall to the papers on my desk. I reach out to shuffle them, the one on top catching my attention. I sigh and pick it up, glancing over it.

 

Giles has been bothering me to fill out a situational report on this last mission, but I’ve been waiting for Faith to return. I want to talk to her before I do, ‘cause I want to know what she’s okay with me disclosing. I smirk.

 

There was a time I wouldn’t have even considered leaving anything out. Jesus, I miss the old days when word of mouth was good enough for a report. This is just another one of those things that have changed since we left Sunnydale, though. But there are other, much more, unpleasant changes.

 

One of those things is that it’s almost impossible to go out Slaying without at least three other girls accompanying me. It’s like they see me come out to Slay, and they think it’s an invite for company. It wouldn’t be so bad if they’d treat me like I’m just one of them, but they don’t.

 

I can only deal with someone treating me like I’m a parent, teacher, or some kind of celebrity for so long before it makes me want to smack them around. But to be honest there are a few who don’t do it. I don’t see most of them too often, though, ‘cause they’re usually ones we’ve all ready trained and sent on their way with their own little watcher.

 

Unfortunately, that usually leaves us with a bunch of sixteen-to-twenty year old girls hanging around. Giles likes to keep them close until we know for sure that they’ll be okay to “fly” on their own. He’s just right at home as Head of Council. I definitely trust him far more than I ever would have Travers.

 

I toss the report back onto the stack of papers waiting for my attention and sigh again as my gaze flicks to the window. It’s raining so hard out there that I can barely make out anything through the deluge. The thought, “I wonder what Faith’s doing”, drifts through my mind and I laugh softly. I’m hopeless.

 

I can’t help it, though. Just the thought of her is enough to ram my thoughts right off track. The other day when I was chastising a younger Slayer for abandoning her duties to go clubbing, I thought of Faith and just froze mid-rant. My mind blanked, my hands trembled and my heart was racing. I wasn’t any good to anyone for the rest of the day.

 

We’d be in serious trouble if the demon population knew that all it takes to bring a Slayer to her knees is her hormones. Pun unintended. I blush hotly at the images the thought invokes.

 

I look around my office again and growl in frustration as I get up. I have to get out of here for a while and find something to take my mind off Faith. Otherwise I’m likely to go insane. Hopefully I’ll escape without anyone catching me.

 

I walk over to the coat rack by my door, pausing to run my hand over the leather jacket hanging there. Faith left it at my apartment and I haven’t let it out of my sight since I found it on my couch. It might be juvenile but there’s just something so comforting about being wrapped in something of hers.

 

I pull the jacket on and pause to lift the collar up to my nose, inhaling deeply. It smells of Obsession and Herbal Essence, and the faint odor of cigarette smoke clings to it. Beneath it I can make out a mix of primal, musky scents that are all her. It’s a little different than she used to smell, and I know why, but oddly it isn’t any less appealing.

 

I pull my hair from under the collar and leave my office. I turn down the hallway and start for the stairs. I’m halfway down them when I hear a voice call my name. My eyes slam shut and I inhale sharply as my mind lets out a long string of curses.

 

Son of a motherfucking bitching asshole! I snarl and turn on the step, ready to tell whichever Slayer it is just where she can stick her offer of company.

 

“Hey, Buff,” Will says cautiously.

 

I blow out a breath and laugh tensely. “God, Will. I thought you were one of the other Slayers for a second there.”

 

Her eyebrows furrow. “And that made you look like you were contemplating homicide?”

 

I smile sheepishly and venture, “Um, yes?”

 

She shakes her head. “Trust me, Buff, you don’t want to go there.”

 

I rub my temples. “At this point it seems like a better plan than the alternative.”

 

“Ah,” She chuckles. “Going out Slaying?”

 

“Yes,” I groan. “I just need to get out and slay something before my thoughts drive me up the wall. And I don’t want an audience.”

 

No, I’d like to let loose without scaring anyone. They tend to freak when they see me going full out against something that’s ten times bigger than me. I think it disturbs some of them to know just what a Slayer’s really capable of.

 

Will closes the distance between us and grabs my elbow, tugging me with her down the stairs. “Come on, I’ll protect you from the hero-worshippers.”

 

I snort, letting her lead the way. “More likely protect them from me.”

 

She shrugs. “Eh, I didn’t want to rub your face in it.”

 

“Yeah, I bet,” I laugh.

 

We manage to reach the front door without anyone seeing us and I sigh in relief. I roll my eyes at the smirk Will’s sporting.

 

“Stop it,” I grumble.

 

“What?” She asks, trying to sound innocent. “I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You didn’t have to,” I answer dryly. “You were thinking it.”

 

Her smirk turns sly. “I just think it’s so cute the way you’re all fidgety ‘cause you’re missing your big bad, leather wearing vampire mama.”

 

I snort and close my eyes, slowly shaking my head as a blush creeps up my neck. When I reopen my eyes, I look at her seriously as I reach for the doorknob.

 

“Will?”

 

“Yes?” She answers cheerily.

 

“Do your self a favor,” I start slowly.

 

She gives me a confused look. “What?

 

I start to open the door as I say dryly, “Don’t ever say that to Faith.”

 

“Don’t ever say what to Faith?”

 

The familiar husky voice makes my heart slam against my ribcage and I gasp. The door is gently pushed open and my eyes widen at the sight of a dripping wet Faith leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. Our eyes meet and I’m breathless as I’m drowning in her gaze.

 

It takes me a bit to register that her eyes have regained their dark chocolate shade. It takes just a little longer to recognize the pained swirl of emotions there and my heart aches in sympathy. A splash of vivid color makes me glance down to find a multitude of bruises and cuts covering her face, including a split in her bottom lip. I reach out to gently cup her cheek and she catches my hand, clasping it to her upper chest.

 

“No worries, B. I’ve had worse,” She mutters.

 

I tug her inside by our joined hands and swing the door shut. When I turn to take her in, my eyes widen. Her jeans and her T-shirt cling to her body, the white shirt making the purplish bruises along her arms stand out. Her right hand is wrapped in an ace bandage and her knuckles are scraped up worse than I’ve ever seen. I bring my eyes back up to hers and the strain and exhaustion obvious there bring tears to my eyes.

 

“Have you had any sleep?” I ask softly, taking in the dark circles under her eyes that aren’t just bruises.

 

She gives me a shaky smile and shrugs as her eyes drift over my shoulder. “Hey, Red.”

 

“Hi. You know, you probably could’ve gotten some sleep before coming,” She teases gently and then returns her attention to me. “I’m going back up to my office. Behave and let the woman get some rest.”

 

“All right,” I answer, ignoring her second comment.

 

“Later, Red,” Faith calls softly.

 

I notice the added hoarseness in her tone and jerk my gaze back to her face. “Hey, are you okay?”

 

Faith waits until Will’s headed up the stairs and then says quietly, “Depends on your definition of it, but I’ll be fine.”

 

I bite my lip and lower my gaze, uncertain. I want a hug, but I don’t know how she’ll react. I know she said she loves me in that letter, but her leaving the way she did left me a little out of sorts. She takes the decision out of my hands.

 

She steps forward and strong arms envelope me. The scent from her jacket is suddenly all around me as I bury my face in her neck. She tenses briefly and then tightens her hold on me. Her body feels almost frail and there’s a faint trembling that makes me pull back, looking at her in concern.

 

My heart clenches again as I notice the tears glistening in her eyes. I grab her hand and tug her towards the stairs.

 

“Come on, baby. Let’s go to your room.”

 

She tightens her grip on my hand and pulls me back to her. She cups my cheek and her eyes search mine intently. She then leans forward and tentatively brushes her lips over mine, keeping it soft and slow as I gently return the pressure.

 

When she pulls back, she asks hesitantly, “Can we go to your apartment instead?”

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

She nods and offers quietly, “We need to talk.”

 

I give her a determined look and open the front door again, leading her back out into the rainy night. “You’re going to get some sleep first.”

 

Jesus, it feels so good to have her home again. But I just know it’s going to hurt to hear what she’s been through. The only thing I want right now is to hold her a while before the pain starts all over again.

 

 

Chapter Thirty-Four: Softly, Softly Now

 

(Faith’s POV)

 

I hadn’t known what to expect when I arrived at HQ. I was so fuckin’ scared when I stepped up onto the porch. Luckily, the door was swingin’ open ‘fore I could do somethin’ stupid. Then she was lookin’ in my eyes and my fears didn’t seem so important.

 

The emotions I saw lookin’ back at me went a ways to patchin’ up the wounds in my mind, heart, and soul. Seein’ so much concern, relief, and yes, even love, in her eyes made me realize things are gonna be fine eventually. It’ll be rough as fuck gettin’ there, but if it ain’t a bitch, it ain’t worth doin’.

 

The ride to her apartment was quiet, both of us lost in our thoughts. I’ve been tryin’ to figure out how I wanna tell her I love her, but I ain’t found a way that don’t make me sound like chump. I wanna say it in a way that she ain’t heard before—in a way that tells her I’m gonna stick around.

 

She’s in the kitchen right now, gettin’ me some blood. My stomach started bitchin’ in the elevator on the way up. I was gonna do it, but she said she wanted to do it for me. So I’m standin’ here in her room where she sent me off to at a loss as to what to do with myself.

 

The bed’s callin’ for me, but I ain’t got any PJs. I’d normally sleep naked, but since B wants me to get some sleep ‘fore we talk, that ain’t a good idea. If I strip, she’s gonna see the marks on my body and she ain’t gonna wanna wait for an explanation.

 

“Hey, thought you’d be lying down,” She says as she reenters the room.

 

I run my hand through my hair and shrug sheepishly. “I ain’t got anything to sleep in.”

 

She arches an eyebrow and holds out the gently steamin’ dark blue mug in her hand. “Since when are you shy?”

 

I accept the mug and bring it to my lips, takin’ a huge gulp from it so I don’t have to answer her yet. I pull my gaze away from hers, tryin’ to find a reasonable excuse.

 

“Faith, what’s wrong?” She asks tensely.

 

I sigh deeply and move to set the mug on the nightstand. Keepin’ my back to her, I lick the last traces of the blood from my lips and roll my shoulders. I close my eyes and my shoulders slump.

 

“Some things were done to me, B,” I answer coolly. “I ain’t exactly lookin’ too pretty right now.”

 

I feel the heat as she gets closer and then her hands gently touch my back. I choke back a sob at the intense ache I feel in my chest from the tenderness in her touch.

 

“I don’t care if you’re a little beat up, Faith. I just want you to be comfortable,” She answers quietly.

 

A tear slips down my cheek, quickly followed by another one. “B, I—I don’t know i—if I can let ya see it.”

 

It’s too much. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. If she sees, she’s gonna think I’m weak and she’ll be disgusted.

 

One of her hands gently but firmly clasps my shoulder and she turns me around. Her eyes search mine, tryin’ to find somethin’. She furrows her eyebrows and fear darkens her expression as she reaches up to wipe the tears from my face. Her hand cups my cheek and I lean into the contact, soakin’ in the warmth.

 

“What happened?” Her voice cracks.

 

I swallow hard and then I open my mouth to speak, only to close it on a sob. My face scrunches up as tears flood my eyes to run down my cheeks. I break away from B and move around her, turnin’ my back to her again. I stare hard at the dresser for a long moment, tremblin’ from the emotions runnin’ through me.

 

I clench my jaw tightly and reach for the hem of my t-shirt with both hands, wincin’ at the pain as my right wrist protests the movement. I whip the shirt up over my head and drop it, leavin’ my wife beater on for the moment. I kick my shoes off and drop my hand to the buttons of my pants, jerkin’ ‘em open in one movement. A sound draws my attention and I look up into the mirror on the dresser to see B’s reflection.

 

My eyes trace her features, the ache in my chest intensifyin’ at the distress evident on her face. I hate that I’m causin’ her so much pain but I ain’t gonna be able to get through this by bein’ gentle. I lick my bottom lip, take a deep breath, and push my pants down slowly.

 

I hiss as the tight denim scrubs against the deep scratches and crescent shaped gouges runnin’ the length of my thighs. A low, anguished sound reaches my ears and I close my eyes, forcin’ myself to continue. I push the pants down around my ankles and step out of ‘em, tryin’ to pretend I don’t hear B’s choked cries.

 

Hesitantly, I grab the edge of my wife beater and tug it up. I let out a shudderin’ breath as the cotton pulls at the scratches on my back and the bites on my breasts. Pullin’ it off over my head, I let it fall on top of my other clothes. I clench my hands into fists and make myself face B, shakin’ my hair away from my neck to expose the wound at my jugular.

 

Big, silent tears start rollin’ down her cheeks and she covers her open mouth with her hand. I meet her gaze and I grind my teeth to keep from sobbin’. She ain’t disgusted like I was afraid she’d be, but I don’t think I can handle the pained sympathy in her expression. It’s too fuckin’ much like pity.

 

“Please, B,” I mutter. “Don’t keep lookin’ at me like that.”

 

Agitatedly, she wipes the tears away only to have ‘em replaced with more. She bites her bottom lip and then releases it.

 

“How am I supposed to look at you, then, Faith?” She snaps, hurt.

 

I shrug and wipe at my own tears. “Any way but that one, ‘cause I can’t deal with it right now, B.”

 

She approaches me hesitantly, her arms held slightly away from her sides. She stops in front of me and forces her gaze to meet mine.

 

“C—Can I, I mean, is it okay if I hug you?”

 

The pleadin’ expression I give her is my answer and she reads it easily. She wraps her arms ‘round my shoulders and pulls me against her, pressin’ her body gently into mine. There ain’t anything sexual about it but it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt. I return the embrace, puttin’ my arms ‘round her waist.

 

Fuck, it’s like I can’t get close enough. Gently pushin’ her backwards, I lead us to the bed. I guide her down onto the mattress, followin’ her and settlin’ us on our sides. She quickly snuggles up against me, wrappin’ an arm around my waist. I hook my right calf ‘round her thighs and encircle her with my arms, gettin’ as close as I can.

 

I bury my face in her hair and take a deep breath, her scent and warmth helpin’ to settle my composure. Her face is buried against my shoulder, her tears soakin’ my skin. We’re both tremblin’ from the emotional turmoil and her breathin’ is rough and heavy.

 

The exhaustion I’ve been fightin’ off for days is startin’ to nag me, makin’ my eyes feel heavy. Strugglin’ to stay awake, I blink rapidly and reach up to rub my eyes. I regret it as a jolt of pain lets me know that I’ve got a black eye.

 

B grabs my hand and pulls it away from my face. She twines our fingers together and brings our hands down to her hip.

 

“Hey, what are you trying to do there?” She asks teasingly, her voice rough from her tears.

 

I grimace and shake my head, “Just tryin’ to keep from passin’ out. I know ya have questions.”

 

She sighs and releases my hand, bringin’ hers up to cup my cheek. Her thumb traces my jaw, leavin’ a trail of warmth behind. Her other hand gently massages my lower back, relaxin’ me even further. She matches the small, involuntary smile that forms on my lips.

 

“Go to sleep,” She says softly. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

 

“But—”

 

“No,” She interrupts. “You won’t be able to handle much more emotional stuff without getting some rest first, Faith. I doubt you’ve had much, if any, sleep at all since you left.”

 

I wanna object more but my eyes are too heavy to keep open. I let ‘em shut reluctantly as I start to drift off. I’ll just rest for a while, that’s all. We’ve got too fuckin’ much to talk about for me to sleep yet. I ain’t even got to tell her...

 

“I love you.”

 

***

 

(Buffy’s POV)

 

I’m just staring at her in disbelief as her chest slowly stops moving, signaling her sleep. She actually said it. I mean, I figured she did—or at least I had hoped—but I didn’t think she’d say it yet. I smile sadly, but it quickly fades.

 

Grimacing, I move my hand from her cheek and brush her hair back off her neck. My eyes trail over the massive bruising and the bite mark as I wonder at what kind of Hell she’s been through. I’m horrified by the sight of those marks on her beautiful, pale skin and my heart’s breaking. What could leave those kinds of marks on a Slayer—especially her, of all people?

 

I squeeze my eyes shut against a flood of emotion, burying my face in her neck and taking a deep breath. I kiss the wound and tears slip from my eyes. She confirmed my fears of just how bad what she has to say is going to be. I just hope it isn’t exactly what I’m thinking.

 

There’s only one way those were made and the thought of someone doing that to her is making me crazy. My instincts are screaming for me to get up, to find something to rip into, but I can’t. I told her I’d be here when she wakes up and damn it, I will be.

 

 

Chapter Thirty-Five: Baring My Soul

 

(Faith’s POV)

 

I woke up with her in my arms and looked down at her, seein’ her peaceful expression. I took a deep breath, her scent and heat fillin’ me and it was too fuckin’ much. I got up, dressed, and went to the livin’ room, tears pourin’ down my face again.

 

I’ve been pacin’ the floor for God knows how fuckin’ long. I’m feelin’ kinda schizo again from all the different emotions bombardin’ me. There’s just so much anger, pain, sadness, and fear. But then there’s happiness and love, too.

 

Most of it, I don’t know how to deal with. The one thing I do understand is anger though. I get that as well, if not better, than any other emotion I’ve ever felt. I realize if I don’t get all this crap settled soon, my feelings are only gonna get stronger.

 

A soft sound grabs my attention and I look up, findin’ B standin’ in the doorway. She looks so fuckin’ adorable all sleep rumpled and confused. I force the thought out of my head and turn away, very aware that if I start thinkin’ like that, I ain’t gonna be able to say what I need to. Keepin’ my voice low and devoid of any emotion, I tell her—everything.

 

***

 

When I finish talkin’, I cross my arms over the chest and stay facin’ away from her. I’m just waitin’ to hear her to tell me to get out. Fear’s the thing that’s rulin’ me right now and it’s makin’ me sick to my stomach. I wipe the fresh tears from my cheeks against my shoulder in irritation.

 

Tellin’ her ‘bout Dane was tough. Relivin’ that so soon after what’s just happened fuckin’ sucked. But I gotta admit that tellin’ her about purgatory was so much worse. I almost couldn’t go on when I heard her start cryin’ again.

 

Talkin’ about killin’ that pig had to have been the easiest part of it now that I think about it. That’s ironic considerin’ it’s what I was the most afraid of less than a week ago. She didn’t interrupt the entire time other than the sounds of her sobs and gasps.

 

That actually worries me a little. When B gets silent, there’s somethin’ wrong. But I’m too damn scared to turn around.

 

A warm body presses up against me and a pair of arms wraps ‘round my waist, causin’ me to suck in a ragged gasp. I close my eyes as the ache tightens my chest unbearably. I’m frozen in that spot for a long moment, and then I hear her voice.

 

“I’m so, so sorry you had to go through all that,” She chokes out.

 

I bite my bottom lip, ignorin’ it as the split in my lip reopens. She presses her face between my shoulder blades and her tears soak my shirt. I wince as the salt causes one of the wounds to sting.

 

It takes me a little bit to force the lump in my throat down so I can speak. “How can ya just ignore what I did? I killed that cop, B! I didn’t just drain him, either.”

 

I feel her lips press a soft kiss to my back and then she forces me to turn around in the circle of her arms. She looks into my eyes searchingly and reaches up to wipe my tears away. Her hand cups my cheek.

 

“I’m not ignoring it,” She answers shakily. “But if I don’t accept that it wasn’t your fault, then how am I supposed to reconcile it with the fact that I’m in love with you? Because I am not about to lose you, Faith!”

 

I just look at her incredulously. As much as I’m fightin’ not to listen to her words, my heart won’t let me ignore it. A tiny smile plays at the corners of my lips.

 

She continues sadly, “And you’re blaming yourself for what happened in purgatory, too. Aren’t you?”

 

My smile disappears and I jerk my gaze away from hers, lettin’ it fall on Lee’s sleepin’ form on the couch. I swallow hard.

 

“I’ve tried to tell myself it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help the way I feel, B,” I answer quietly.

 

Her hand moves from my cheek to twine in the hair at the back of my head and I hiss as her fingers brush against yet another wound. She jerks her hand back to my cheek and gives me an apologetic look. I shrug and she rolls her eyes.

 

“Faith,” She sighs. “You didn’t have any other choice.”

 

“I know,” I snap.

 

She gives me look. “Come on, let’s sit down.”

 

She grabs my hand, pullin’ me over to the couch and then forcin’ me to sit down. I ignore the protest from my body and settle back into the cushions. Lee scrambles to her feet and runs up to climb in my lap. She puts her paws on my chest and tries her damndest to get to my face, whinin’ as I manage to evade her tongue.

 

“Come here, you little monster,” B mutters as she reaches for the pup.

 

I let Lee go as B picks her up and then she settles her on the floor. I sigh and bring my eyes back up to B’s, feelin’ my throat constrict at the gentle look on her face. I watch as B starts to sit down beside me and then I reach out, grabbin’ her hips and tuggin’ her onto my lap. She stiffens and gives me a look.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

I snort. “You barely weigh anything, B.”

 

“But your wounds—”

 

“Are gonna irritate me no matter what,” I interrupt.

 

She relaxes, slowly straddlin’ my lap and wrappin’ her arms ‘round my neck. Her eyes search mine again and then she sighs.

 

“If you’d have fought her, you’d have lost in the end even if you did kill her.”

 

“I feel like I lost anyway,” I choke out.

 

“But you didn’t. That Soul Harvester guy was forcing you to deal with the darkest parts of yourself. You managed to stay in control, even though every instinct was screaming at you.” She gives me a half-grin. “Do you know how proud I am of you?”

 

Huh? My eyebrows furrow and I shake my head in disbelief.

 

“B, there ain’t nothin’ to be proud of,” I snarl. “All I fuckin’ did is kill one demon and lay back and let another one fuck me!”

 

She gives me an achingly tender look. “No, Faith. What you did was so much more than that. You fought against yourself and won.”

 

I squeeze my eyes shut and lean my forehead against her shoulder. After a lifetime of believin’ the absolute worst about myself, I’m afraid to listen to what she’s tellin’ me. If I do, then that means changin’ the way I look at myself.

 

I feel a jolt of anger and I sneer. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m sittin’ here lettin’ guilt eat me up for somethin’ I had no fuckin’ control over?

 

I snort and bring my head up, meetin’ B’s eyes. My brows furrow as a thought occurs to me and then a look of self-disgust crosses my face. I’m startin’ to see what my problem is. It ain’t got a damn thing to do with control, either. It ain’t even guilt or shame.

 

There’s some twisted part of me that’s lookin’ at this like I did it to myself. I get why, but it’s pissin’ me off like ya wouldn’t believe. That vamp—she was me, just without the restraints of the Slayer and my soul. She really was everything I hate about myself.

 

She’s the thing that drives me to drink from B when we fuck. She’s the reason I can’t walk in the sunlight anymore. She’s why there’s more blood on my hands. And Goddamn it, I ain’t gonna hate myself for her darkness any fuckin’ more.

 

***

 

(Buffy’s POV)

 

Listening to what she’s been through wasn’t easy. I don’t know what was harder, though—hearing the absolute self-hatred and agony in her voice or keeping my distance. I knew if I touched her, she wouldn’t be able to finish talking about it.

 

She’s blaming herself for what happened and it breaks my heart even more. I wish there was something I could do. But right now I’m more worried about what that look she has means. I’ve seen a lot of expressions on her face, some of them positively maniacal, but this... It has my body humming with tension as my instincts scream.

 

It’s a look that says something is in for a whole lot of pain. I’ve seen it before, but at least this time it isn’t directed at me. I almost feel sorry for whoever it is—almost, but not quite.

 

“Faith, are you okay?” I ask hesitantly.

 

Startled, she jerks and brings her gaze back to mine. Her expression softens and her mouth forms a slow, charming smile, leaving me confused. She nods.

 

“Oh yeah, B. I’m five by five,” She rasps.

 

Then all I can do is squeal in a manner unbefitting a Slayer as I tighten my hold around her neck and clamp my thighs around her hips as she stands with me in her arms. I give her a disgruntled look.

 

“Faith!” I object.

 

“Yes?” She drawls.

 

“Put me down!”

 

She starts walking towards the bedroom, ignoring me. My protests die down when I realize just where she’s taking me. Only good things can follow if that’s where we’re headed. But we weren’t finished talking, were we?

 

“Don’t we still need to talk?” I ask as she kicks the bedroom door shut behind her.

 

She gives me a wicked smirk and shakes her head. “Uh-uh, B. I’m done with talkin’.”

 

She lowers me to the bed and crawls on top of me. She pauses, gazing into my eyes for a long moment. Then she lowers her head and presses her mouth to mine.

 

“I love you,” She murmurs, her lips brushing over mine.

 

I’m breathless as she captures my lips in the softest, sweetest kiss I’ve ever experienced. Her hands start a slow, gentle exploration of my body and I lose complete interest in talking. In fact, it could be said that it’s the farthest thing from my mind.

 

 

Chapter Thirty-Six: Come on, Baby, Light My Fire

 

(Faith’s POV)

 

I let my hands slide over her body, revelin’ in the heat of life flowin’ off her. Her heartbeat’s music to my ears, her sighs and moans an accompaniment to it. The hazel eyes lookin’ up at me with so much love and lust make me tremble.

 

I slowly peel her clothes off, pausin’ to stroke the smooth skin revealed by each article removed. Every tiny scar my sensitive fingertips find, I lower my lips to caress. Every mark is a story of pain I wanna sooth away.

 

Her hands clutch at my back tentatively, like she’s afraid she’ll break me. I lift myself up and bring my mouth to her ear, kissin’ the lobe softly.

 

“I ain’t gonna break, B,” I rasp.

 

Then I slip back down, returnin’ my attention to the inch long scar on her thigh just above her knee. Her touch turns firm, fingers diggin’ into my shoulders and I smile against her skin. I nip playfully at the soft flesh, makin’ her jump slightly as she gasps.

 

Her nails gently dig into my skin, a warnin’ that I ignore. My hands run up the sides of her taut thighs, feelin’ the muscles tense and relax. I take a deep breath and the scent of her arousal fills me, bringin’ a low groan from my chest.

 

I ache to bring my mouth to her pussy, knowin’ the taste of her and cravin’ more, but it ain’t time for that yet. I wanna make it last instead of just givin’ into my urges for once. Instead, I bring my mouth to her belly button and teasingly lick around it.

 

I slide my hands over the tremblin’ skin of her flat belly, makin’ it flex and lettin’ my tongue trace the well-defined muscles. Her hands leave my shoulders and tangle in my hair. I nuzzle her belly and then move further up. Hoverin’ over her tits, I catch B’s eyes and give her a dimpled smile before I lower my head.

 

I circle her nipple with my lips and she hisses, her body surgin’ against mine. Her nipple hardens immediately and I scrape my teeth over it gently. I cup her other breast and run my thumb around the areola, teasingly avoidin’ the hard pink tip.

 

“Damn it, Faith! Don’t tease me anymore,” B whines.

 

She tugs my hair painfully and I chuckle against her breast as I finally relent, rubbin’ my thumb over the hardened flesh. Flickin’ the tip with my nail in time with my tongue lappin’ at its’ twin, I let myself get lost in her.

 

It ain’t ‘til she starts jerkin’ at my shirt that I realize I’m still dressed. I reluctantly release her breasts, drawin’ a cry of disappointment from her. I give her a quick kiss and then get to my knees between her thighs. I reach for the hem of my shirt and she sits up quickly, brushin’ my hands away.

 

“Let me,” She pants, givin’ me a sexy little half-grin.

 

I lie back on the bed and spread my arms at my sides, raisin’ my eyebrow at her. “Have at it.”

 

She giggles and then it’s my turn to be breathless. She returns my treatment, teasin’ touches from her hands drawin’ moans from me as she slowly removes my clothes. I bite my bottom lip and close my eyes, my fingers graspin’ at the blankets.

 

When I’m completely naked, her touch suddenly disappears. Eyebrows furrowed, I open my eyes and find her crouched between my thighs gazin’ down at me. Her eyes lift to mine and the heat there nearly scorches me. Then she lowers her mouth to my skin.

 

Startin’ at my lower legs, she caresses my wounds with her lips, tongue, and hands usin’ a firm touch that startles me a little. She leaves behind a trail of wetness and a lingerin’ ache at each mark. Her eyes stay locked with mine the entire time.

 

A slow burn ignites in the pit of my gut, the familiar pressure in my belly risin’. Her hand slides between my thighs, her fingers slippin’ through my curls. All I can do is close my eyes again and hold on as my body reacts.

 

“Open your eyes, Faith,” She says softly, but firmly.

 

I force my eyes open and then she covers my body with hers, slidin’ her fingers over my clit as she moves. I wince as my pussy contracts and clench my teeth to keep from makin’ a sound. I don’t want her to stop and she will if she thinks she’s hurtin’ me.

 

“I want you to see that this is me, Faith,” She murmurs.

 

I’m suddenly aware of just what it is she’s doin’ and I love her more for it. I don’t know whether to sob or moan. Her touch turns gentle and she slips two fingers slowly inside of me, givin’ me time to adjust. Her gaze catches mine and I’m mesmerized by the emotions there as she starts to move her fingers in and out of me.

 

The slow, gentle rhythm she sets is drivin’ me closer to the edge too quickly. There’s somethin’ ‘bout the way she’s lookin’ at me that’s makin’ it that much more intense. My mouth is open, lettin’ out a constant stream of soft moans and other noises. I can tell it’s makin’ her hot to hear it so I ain’t gonna try to fight it.

 

I wrap my legs ‘round her hips, lockin’ my ankles together just behind her thighs. The new position makes her go deeper inside and I stiffen, eyes widenin’ as my orgasm takes me by surprise. I just go with it and lose track of everything as my eyes slam shut.

 

***

 

(Buffy’s POV)

 

Oh, wow. That has never happened before. I chuckle breathlessly and bury my face in Faith’s neck. I guess her teasing had me so worked up that feeling her contract around my fingers set me off.

 

Her inner walls are still clutching convulsively at me and it causes another tremor to run through me, making me gasp. She chuckles huskily and I nip playfully at her throat.

 

“Which one of us is the vampire here?” She taunts.

 

I laugh weakly and shake my head. “You are, baby.”

 

“I ain’t the one bitin’ people this time.”

 

I lift my head and narrow my eyes. “And why is that?”

 

She snickers. “I was a little too busy gettin’ my world rocked to think with my fangs.”

 

I roll my eyes as an involuntary smile crosses my lips. “I don’t know why I love you.”

 

“Me either,” She drawls. “But I’m happy as fuck that ya do.”

 

I give her a kiss and she quickly cups the back of my head to keep me there. Her tongue explores my lips and then she pulls back. Lookin’ in my eyes, she smiles.

 

“Thanks for what ya were doin’, B,” She says softly. “But ya ain’t ever gotta worry ‘bout me forgettin’ that it’s you touchin’ me. There’s no comparison between what she did and what you do to me with just one look.”

 

I blush and look away. I had hoped she wouldn’t bring it up, but I guess that was too much. With a shuddering breath, I run the backs of my fingers over her cheek.

 

“That wasn’t exactly why I did that, Faith,” I mutter.

 

“But you said—”

 

I shake my head, interrupting her, and she gives me a confused look. “Aight, then what was?”

 

“I—I kind of had this urge,” I say in embarrassment.

 

Her mouth twitches into a smirk and she lifts both eyebrows. I can hear the laughter in her voice as she says, “An urge? Aight, now, B. You’re gonna have to explain that one.”

 

I close my eyes and mutter, “I just wanted to claim what’s mine, okay?”

 

Startled laughter makes me cringe and I cover my face with my hands. The phone rings and I’m flooded with relief. I turn to get the handheld phone from the nightstand, freezing when I feel Faith move. She leaps over me, landing next to the bed.

 

She gives me an evil grin and grabs the phone from the base. Horrified, I scramble to get out of bed. She backs off from me, her finger hovering over the “talk” button.

 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, Faith,” I growl, “But do not do it!”

 

I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth and she throws her head back, laughing throatily. I’m suddenly aware that we’re standing off against each other, completely naked. My gaze falls to her breasts, and I’m distracted long enough for her to answer the phone.

 

“Yo, this is Mistress B’s den of iniquity, what can we do ya for?”

 

I jerk my head up, glaring at her. “Faith!”

 

Oh, God. I can’t believe her! I snort. Wait, this is Faith. Of course she’d do this.

 

I move towards her and she takes off running out of the room as she continues talking to whoever’s on the phone. Startled, I freeze for a second and stare after her.

 

“Oh, hey, Xan-man,” She says.

 

Oh shit. I know why he’s calling. I was supposed to take a group of Slayers to clear out a nest. I blow out an exasperated breath, following the sound of her voice.

 

“Yesterday,” She says, pausing to listen to what he’s saying.

 

“Oh, yeah, she ain’t gonna be doin’ that today,” She says and then pauses again.

 

I find her in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge with a black mug in her hand. I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the doorway.

 

“I got plans for her and none of ‘em involve leavin’ here,” She says.

 

My mouth falls open and I shut it with a click of my teeth, stomping over to her. She sets her mug on the counter and, as I reach her, grabs me around the waist. Startled, I offer no resistance as she pulls me to her. I suck in a breath as our bare skin touches.

 

“Good as is it to talk to ya, I got Buffy to do,” She snickers.

 

I bury my face against her neck. My face is burning up now. Why me?

 

Suddenly, I hear Xander’s voice raise from the phone, “Don’t you mean things?”

 

“Said what I mean,” She answers and then raises an eyebrow at something he says.

 

“Fuck off, Xan,” She replies cheerfully as she turns the phone off.

 

She turns her attention to me and smirks. “Wanna see if I can light another fire for ya?”

 

Before I can answer, she drops to her knees in front me. She guides my legs apart, winks up at me, and leans forward. Her breath washes across my clit and then all I can do is clutch the counter behind me and moan as her lips touch me.

 

 

Epilogue: Life After

 

(Faith’s POV)

 

Aight, so I’ve realized a few things. One of ‘em is that me and B ain’t ever really gonna be finished talkin’. Too much has happened in our past together for that to happen. There are a lot of things we don’t know about each other, too. We still have things to discuss, but we both get that it can’t be done all at once.

 

Just means that we’ve got a lot of things to look forward to and some things to dread. There are gonna be arguments, there’s gonna be fuckin’, and there’s gonna be love makin’. Can’t say I’m too disappointed in any of it, really.

 

I’ve had my soul back for three weeks. In that time, we’ve had two arguments, damn near broke the kitchen table doin’ somethin’ kinky she’d stake me for tellin’, and we learned some things about each other too. Like I learned that ya don’t wake B ‘til she’s had at least six hours of sleep, and she found out that I get horny when I watch certain horror flicks. But in between all that, there was plenty of love makin’ to go ‘round.

 

I’ve finally gotten my wish, though. I get to hold her as often as I wanna now, and it doesn’t always involve sex. Though most of the time it does lead to it.

 

What? I can’t help it. Her body touches mine and spontaneous combustion happens.

 

Right now though, I ain’t feelin’ major horniness; but don’t get me wrong, it is there. I tighten my hold on her and shift, tryin’ to get comfortable. She grumbles and smacks my arm. I relax on my side on the couch, rubbin’ her back and pullin’ her closer against my chest.

 

“Stop it,” B whines, causin’ Lee to whimper in her sleep from where she’s lyin’ at the foot of the couch.

 

I smirk. I’d be a little worried for my safety right now if I tried anything anyway. We were cleanin’ up a big ass demon nest last night and didn’t get back ‘til just before dawn this mornin’. Then we had to work off the H&H’s and it took a while.

 

We’d still be in bed if we hadn’t all ready made plans earlier in the week to have lunch with Dawn and Connor. I tried to get B to cancel, but she wouldn’t ‘cause she doesn’t wanna disappoint Dawn. I really don’t wanna either, so I didn’t put up much of a struggle. We’re both supposed to be catchin’ a short nap right now, but I’m a little wired.

 

We’ll just have to sleep tonight on the flight out. We’re goin’ to Georgia to clear out my place and then we’ll be comin’ back. We waited to do that ‘cause we wanted some time together first, and then we had to set up some time with Giles for us both to give him a report too. B was pissed when I wouldn’t let her leave anything outta hers.

 

I made a point of remindin’ her that Giles would be able to get past it easier than any of the others. I was right, too. The news that I’d gone to get my soul back helped reassure most of ‘em. Wes is still lookin’ at me funny, though.

 

It’s gonna be tough as fuck helpin’ him with Joaquin’s captives when we get back. Ken and her group did eventually find ‘em, but most of ‘em are in pretty bad shape emotionally and physically. I got volunteered somehow to help ‘em learn to cope with what happened. Unfortunately, so did Wes, so I’ll have to deal with him soon enough.

 

With B and Angel’s help, I’ve started to deal with everything that happened. It ain’t been easy, and it probably won’t ever get that way. But it doesn’t send me over the edge when I think about the darkness that’s so much a part of me anymore. I’ve truly accepted that with bein’ both a Slayer and a vamp, there’s no gettin’ around it.

 

I’ve had to accept a lot of things. There are still a few I gotta work on, but that’s somethin’ else I ain’t gotta do all at once. Right now, though? I’m aight with knowin’ that I need the violence and the blood. It helps to have a lover who doesn’t mind gettin’ bit sometimes and likes to go out on patrol with me so I can work out my frustrations.

 

I massage B’s back and she snuggles closer to me, a moan slippin’ past her lips. She nuzzles her cheek against my shoulder, turnin’ her face up towards mine. My eyes trace her face and a memory flickers through my thoughts. I smirk.

 

“So, tell me, Slayer.”

 

“What?” She mumbles.

 

“You still wanna stake me in my sleep?”

 

Her eyes flutter open and she glares up at me. “Keep waking me up and you’ll find out tonight.”

 

I snicker. I ain’t ever wanted Cinderella’s happily ever after, anyway.

 

 

The End