Song Credits:

Something I Can Never Have – Nine Inch Nails

I still recall the taste of your tears.

Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.

My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.

Scraping through my head ‘till I don’t want to sleep anymore.

There are days when I can’t get the memory of his tears out of my mind. The taste of them still lingers on my lips after all these years. Those are the days when my memories of him haunt me. Those are the days when I hate Angel for walking away the most.

There are days when I can’t forget what his arms felt like around me. His strength makes me feel like a shadow of the woman I wanted to be. Those are the days when I feel so alone. Those are the days when I hate Riley for wanting more than I could give the most.

You make this all go away.

You make this all go away.

I’m down to just one thing

And I’m starting to scare myself.

You make this all go away.

You make this all go away.

I just want something.

I just want something I can never have.

There are days when I can’t forget what it felt like when I was there. The peace and warmth is like a ghost sweeping through my thoughts. Those are the days when I feel so cold inside. Those are the days when I hate my friends for bringing me back to my Hell the most.

There are days when the darkness threatens to swallow me whole. The rage and hatred eats at me from the inside. Those are the days when I feel so hopeless. Those are the days when I hate Spike for being dead the most.

You always were the one to show me how.

Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now.

This thing is slowly taking me apart.

Grey would be the color, if I had a heart.

Come on and tell me.

There are days when I feel so caged in. The expectations and limitations put upon me are so stifling. Those are the days when I feel imprisoned. Those are the days I hate Faith the most.

There are days when I let her violate me. It all falls away. Those are the days when all that’s left is the pain and the shame. Those are the days I hate the entire world the most.

In this place it seems like such a shame.

Though it all looks different now,

I know it’s still the same.

Everywhere I look you’re all I see.

Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on and tell me.

There are days when I want nothing more than to wrap my hands around Dawn’s throat. The regret and the guilt pull me under. Those are the days when the rage becomes too much. Those are the days I hate my family the most.

There are days when I can’t take it any more. Every thing I feel comes boiling to the surface. Those are the days when I give in. Those are the days I hate myself the most.

You make this all go away.

You make this all go away.

I’m down to just one thing

And I’m starting to scare myself.

You make this all go away.

You make it all go away.

I just want something.

I just want something I can never have.

I just want something I can never have.

There are days when it all seems like everything’s just fine. It’s as close to happiness as I’ve been in a while. Those are the days when I’m touching her softly. Those are the days when I truly love them all.

There are days when it all goes to Hell. The downward spiral starts all over again. Those are the days when I dig my nails into Faith’s back just to make her bleed. Those are the days when I don’t know if I’m with her because I’m in love with her or if it’s because they hate her so much.

There are days when the memories of past betrayals make me burn inside. We compete to see who can make the other scream the loudest. Those are the days when we make each other hurt the most. Those are the days when we hate each other more than they’ll ever know.